I use the words Soul Alignment a lot. They’re built into the name of my studio, woven throughout my work with clients, and a big part of how I think about my own life.
But lately, I’ve been thinking about what those words really mean.
I imagine that for some people, Soul Alignment sounds a little “woo.” Like it’s some enlightened state we eventually reach when we’ve healed all our wounds, figured out our purpose, mastered our nervous systems, stopped caring what anyone thinks, and wake up every morning certain about who we are and what we’re supposed to be doing.
If that’s the definition, I can assure you I am not there yet.
What Soul Alignment Really Means
For me, Soul Alignment is much simpler than that, although I don’t think it’s necessarily easier. It’s about becoming more honest about who we really are and learning to live our lives from that place.
From the time we’re very young, we’re shaped by the world around us. We learn what gets us approval and what doesn’t. We learn how to belong in our families, schools, friendships, relationships, and workplaces. Be good. Work hard. Make people proud. Keep the peace. Take care of others. Look like we have it all together.
Most of the people teaching us these things aren’t intentionally trying to change who we are. They’re simply passing along what they learned about how life is supposed to work.
And so we adapt. That’s what human beings do. But if we adapt for long enough, we can forget we’re adapting at all. We start calling it our personality. This is just who I am.
But is it?
When the World Gets Loud
How much of who I believe myself to be is actually me, and how much is who I learned I needed to become? That question becomes even harder to answer because the world around us has gotten incredibly loud.
Families, partners, friends and colleagues. Social media, experts, influencers, podcasts, news and thousands of strangers telling us what we should eat, wear, believe, buy, tolerate, leave, pursue, fix and become.
We have access to more information than ever before, but I’m not sure it has made us any better at listening to ourselves.
- How often do we ask What will they think? before asking What do I think?
- How often do we worry about disappointing someone before considering whether a choice is right for us?
- How often do we ask everyone else what we should do when some quiet part of us may already know?
That’s where Soul Alignment begins to mean something different to me.
It isn’t about shutting out everyone else’s opinions. There is tremendous value in listening to people we trust and considering another perspective. The difference is whether we allow those voices to inform us or define us.
The Body Often Knows Before the Mind Is Ready to Admit It
That’s one of the reasons the body has become such an important part of my work.
Our bodies are communicating with us all the time. It might be a tightening in the chest when we’re about to say yes to something we really don’t want to do. A knot in the stomach we keep dismissing. Exhaustion we continue pushing through. And sometimes it’s the opposite.
The lightness we feel when we imagine another possibility. The relief when we finally say no. The aliveness that appears when we allow ourselves to consider something we haven’t let ourselves want in a very long time.
I’m not suggesting every sensation is a mystical message we need to decipher. Sometimes a stomachache is just a stomachache.
But I do believe our bodies often hold information that our minds have become very skilled at talking us out of.
How to Listen to Your Intuition
And that’s where intuition comes in. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the universe simply announced: JENN, HERE IS THE ANSWER. Unfortunately, mine doesn’t seem to work that way.
Intuition is usually much quieter. Not this. I don’t want to. I need more time. Sometimes it’s simply the relief we feel when we finally admit what we want.
The challenge is that intuition tends to whisper while fear, conditioning and other people’s opinions can be very, very loud. So we practice getting quiet enough to notice. We listen. We become curious about what’s happening inside us instead of immediately overriding it.
And slowly, we begin practicing something many of us were never taught to do: We trust ourselves.
I say practice intentionally because I don’t believe Soul Alignment is somewhere we arrive. I still say yes when I sometimes want to say no. I care what people think. I question myself. I compare. I look outside myself for reassurance about something I probably already know.
The difference is that I’m getting better at noticing when I do it. Maybe that’s what alignment actually is. Noticing when we’ve moved away from ourselves and learning how to come back.
But What Happens When We Hear the Answer?
Getting quiet enough to hear ourselves is one thing. Being willing to honor what we hear is another.
We may discover that something we’ve been tolerating no longer feels tolerable. That something we’ve been saying yes to has become a no. That a relationship needs a different boundary. That something we once wanted no longer fits. Or that maintaining harmony has required us to compromise something we’re no longer willing to compromise.
Maybe this is why the recent Full Moon in Aries caught my attention. And yes, I am an Aries, so perhaps I’m a little biased. I don’t look to astrology to tell me what is going to happen in my life, but I love using its archetypes as invitations for reflection.
Aries represents the self, the I AM, while Libra represents relationship, partnership and the we. And this question has stayed with me: Can I remain connected to others without abandoning myself?
Compromise vs. Self-Abandonment
Because there is a difference between compromise and self-abandonment. Healthy relationships require compromise. We don’t get to move through life considering only ourselves. But compromise asks us to bend. Self-abandonment asks us to disappear.
We tell ourselves: It’s not that big a deal. I don’t want to upset anyone. Maybe I’m asking for too much. It’s easier if I just do it.
Until one day we realize that keeping the peace around us has created a lot of unrest within us.
Maybe some seasons of our lives ask us to become more honest about what we are, and are not, willing to compromise. Not because we’ve stopped loving other people. Because we’ve finally remembered to include ourselves in the relationship.
I Belong in the Equation Too
That idea feels important to me. I belong in the equation too. My needs matter. My body matters. My desires matter. My boundaries matter. My voice matters. And so do yours.
Being authentic doesn’t mean we stop caring about other people. I don’t aspire to reach some place where I can proudly say, I don’t care what anyone thinks. I care deeply what the people I love think. What I’m learning is that I can care what someone thinks without allowing what they think to determine who I am.
And that isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes being more aligned means disappointing someone. Having the conversation we’ve been avoiding. Saying no without constructing a five-paragraph defense of why our no is reasonable. Admitting we’ve outgrown something that once fit beautifully. Sometimes it means allowing ourselves to want more. Or less. Or simply something different.
And sometimes the most aligned thing we can do is not act yet. We may need time, perspective or more information. But there is a difference between taking our time and continually talking ourselves out of what we know. I’m learning that difference too.
Becoming More of Who We Already Are
Maybe Soul Alignment isn’t about becoming some better, wiser, more evolved version of ourselves after all. Maybe it’s about stripping away some of the layers we’ve accumulated and becoming more of who we already are underneath them.
I’ve been sitting with that in my own life lately.
- Where do I feel most like myself?
- Where am I still performing, pleasing or proving?
- What am I doing because I genuinely choose it, and what am I doing because I’ve always done it?
- What has my body been trying to tell me that my mind keeps explaining away?
- Where am I compromising, and where might I actually be abandoning myself?
And perhaps the question I’ve become most interested in: Whose voice am I listening to when I make decisions about my own life?
I don’t think we need to turn the answers into another self-improvement project. Maybe we simply start by noticing. We get a little quieter and a little more curious. We let ourselves want what we want without immediately making a case for why we shouldn’t. We notice where our yes is really a no. We notice where we’re keeping the peace at our own expense.
And we begin asking: What am I no longer willing to compromise?
Not as an ultimatum. Not as permission to disregard everyone else. But as an act of honesty.
Because underneath all the noise, expectations, conditioning and roles we’ve learned to play… we are still there.
Maybe that’s what Soul Alignment really means. Learning to hear ourselves again. Becoming honest about what we hear and developing enough trust in ourselves to honor it.
I don’t think we ever finish that work. I think we just keep noticing when we’ve drifted away… and keep finding our way home.
Where Science Meets Soul
XO, Jenn
